Friday, 12 September 2025

A tale of two Peters

 

Back in 1997, John Prescott held up a crab in a jar of water and told the world that the crab was called Peter. The name was not chosen at random. Peter (the other one, not the crab; details of the subsequent career of the crab, who was actually a female called Dennis even if she didn’t know it herself, are lost to history) has led a somewhat chequered career, having been forced to resign from government posts twice over different scandals: in 1998 and again three years later. The common thread in both resignations was his over-familiarity with the very rich. It’s a theme which has run through his life.

His latest ‘resignation’ is down to much the same thing: a familiarity with, and willingness to overlook the failings of, a very rich man. In this case, it was Jeffrey Epstein, the source of whose wealth itself remains a mystery to many, although neither of the two Peters are known to care very much about the provenance of that wealth. In the crab’s case, that is entirely forgivable. Those who resisted his enforced departure from his latest role think that he was an effective bridge to Trump. Perhaps being tarred with the same Epsteinian brush is indeed actually an advantage. Being joint contributors to the Epstein birthday book gives them something in common, even though only one of them has admitted it to date. Trump continues to deny that the words, artwork and signature are his.

Trump’s supporters concentrate on the signature, claiming – despite all appearances – that it’s nothing like Trump’s own signature. Somehow, it seems that the Democrats (I mean, of course, ‘radical left lunatics’) had forged his signature 30 years ago (when he was a Democrat himself, before, obviously, they became ‘radical left lunatics’), as a hoax and planted it in a book ready to reveal it when he became a Republican president for the second time. There is probably a universe in which that is credible – it just isn’t this one. I wonder, though, if they’re concentrating on the wrong thing. What if the signature is genuine, but the words above it aren’t? I mean, setting out an imaginary conversation requires the deployment of imagination doesn’t it? And is ‘enigma’ really part of his vocabulary? I suspect that he really didn’t write the words himself. Maybe someone else did it at his behest and presented it to him to sign, or maybe he was tricked into signing it. He might stand a better chance of being believed if he admitted that the signature was genuine, but claimed he was fooled into signing it. In his case, being a fool would be a highly credible defence.

The crab’s namesake has no such defence. He really did write the words attributed to him. He was long overdue another ‘resignation’.

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