Thursday, 4 September 2025

Starmer, Amazon, and cats

 

Fast, efficient and effective delivery isn’t an entirely unworthy objective of an organisation, as Amazon would attest. It’s certainly better than failing to deliver. So Sir Starmer’s promised obsession with delivery isn’t as entirely vacuous as some have suggested. There is, though, another parallel with Amazon: as long as they receive the punter’s cash and deliver the box, they don’t really care a great deal what’s actually in the box. It could be anything, anything at all; they really don’t care. Sir Starmer seems to be on the same path: what is to be delivered is incidental to the fact of delivery. Where Sir Starmer and Amazon part company, though, is that Amazon do care, at least a little bit, about whether what’s in the box matches what the customer thought they’d ordered, whereas Sir Starmer doesn’t seem particularly bothered about that. Just as long as the box gets to the doorstep.

Entirely incidentally, there are two other constituencies which enjoy receiving Amazon deliveries, other than the paying customer. Cats and small children. Few things please them more than a nice empty box. A happy cat or child doesn’t guarantee a happy customer, of course, but it’s a nice bonus. It’s not clear, however, that Sir Starmer’s deliveries will even arrive in boxes. And relying on pleasing non-voting cats and small children with virtual empty boxes which might or might not have once contained something that the voting customer might or might not have wanted doesn’t look like the brightest of political strategies. There’s a bit more to this delivery business than having an efficient courier – and so far, Sir Starmer doesn’t even seem to have found one of those.

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