Following an outbreak of coronavirus in
Melbourne, Australia’s government announced
yesterday that it was closing the border between New South Wales and Victoria. They
obviously need Boris Johnson out there to explain to them that what they have
done is quite impossible. (I’m sure we could spare him for a year or two. Or
longer. Preferably longer.) Australia is one country and there can be no borders
within a single country. Only recognised international borders can be
controlled - Johnson was very
clear on that point last week when he said that the line
separating England from Scotland is not such a border so it cannot be policed
or closed. Of course, if he’s otherwise engaged making models of buses out of
wine boxes, we could always send his father instead to show Australians how to
render the ban ineffective by travelling between the two states via some other
country. (Do they have flights to both via Bulgaria?) Alternatively we could
send Boris’ fellow Etonian Jake to explain to the
Australians that New South Wales and Victoria are merely districts or areas
within a single country, and that means that there is simply no way to impose
travel restrictions between them. It just can’t be done, as anyone with an
expensive education knows. If only they hadn’t been so foolish as to leave the
Empire, the Australians might understand these things too.
Perhaps it really is down to the school
which they both attended. I wonder if their parents have ever regretted
spending so much on an education which has taught their offspring so little
about how things work in the real world that they believe that merely stating
something makes it a fact. On the other hand, their parents seem to think the
same way, judging by the actions of Johnson père. Perhaps suffering from delusions is an
inherited trait.
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