The latest announcements can be summarised
as follows:
1.
Talk
tough to win headlines in the Express and Mail.
2.
Slash
spending on drugs treatment and rehabilitation centres.
3.
Talk
tough to win headlines in the Express and Mail.
4.
Dress
up in hi vis jacket or police sweater and anorak, preferably both. Beanie hats
are optional, but help if you really want to extract the urine.
5.
Stand
by and watch as the police smash their way through someone’s front door (but avoid
mentioning that the individual concerned is, according to the law, innocent at
this point).
6.
Talk
tough to win headlines in the Express and Mail.
7.
Announce
the partial restoration of the cuts imposed under 2 above.
8.
When
the strategy fails, blame the previous government. Even if it was your own
party. Especially if it was your own party.
9.
Talk
tough to win headlines in the Express and Mail.
10. Repeat steps 1 – 9 above on an infinite loop.
The slight difference in the current iteration
of the strategy is the proposal to confiscate the passports of middle-class
users. Working class users are assumed not to possess passports, and
billionaires don’t need them, as they can buy their way into any country. There
will, of course, be an important unstated caveat to any proposed punishment of middle
class users.. In the event that it emerges that any Tory minister
or donor is known to have used drugs, any or all of the following additional
rules will apply:
1.
They
are exempt. Just because they are.
2.
The
crime was committed
in the past and is therefore not worth investigating.
3.
Ministers
will be given the right to overrule
any court decision with which they disagree.
That should divert attention for a while.
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