It’s not clear precisely when the
disease first struck. Theresa May suffered from an early onset variant with her
proposal for what became known as a dementia
tax, a proposal so poorly thought through that it was abandoned within days
of making contact with the real world. The disease, which manifests itself as a
tendency to announce policies first and think about the implications later, spread
rapidly under Johnson and seems destined to reach its zenith under Truss. The
disease vector seems to be the Conservative Party; there is no known cure and
no hope of a vaccine, not least because all those who offered any such hope were
promptly driven out. The prognosis (for the patient) varies from bad (a lengthy
period in opposition) to worse (political oblivion). For the rest of us, that’s
the good news.
The bad news is that we have a
remaining period of up to two and a half years when the disease will continue
to work its way through the body of the Conservative Party and during which we
will have increasingly bizarre announcements made. Whilst Johnson seemed to have
developed a curious form of semi-immunity under which policies would be
announced and then simply forgotten (bridges,
anyone?), it appears that Truss has a bad case and enjoys no such immunity. Instead of quietly abandoning mad proposals, it is believed that she will actually attempt to implement
them, egged on by the fringe elements in her party which have caught the even
more serious Omigod variant.
The medical experts are clear
that the disease is unlikely to spread outside the confines of the Conservative
Party as long as we all attempt to retain some sort of hold on reality and
truth, but are unable to offer us much by way of protection from the
consequences of the actions of the infected. It is thought possible, however,
that concerted collective action might help. Escaping the asylum would be a
good start.
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