‘Incoherence’ and ‘bluster’ are two of the
kinder descriptions which people have applied to yesterday’s speech
by the UK’s Prime Minister, which majored on what he appears to think was
memorable rhetoric about magic sauce and ketchup rather than on any
identifiable substance. The lack of detail was palpable, and much of it was
just a rehash of previous announcements, with the possible exception of an
extra £50 million for football pitches. It’s almost as though he thinks that
saying something is tantamount to making it happen, and that people are being unkind
and unfair if they don’t fall over themselves to praise him for saying it instead
of asking awkward questions about how and when he’ll actually do it.
Even some of his own MPs are starting to
get restless, harbouring suspicions that there may not be any grand plan
underlying the rhetoric, and that he not only doesn’t know how to deliver, but
has no intention of doing so anyway. The fact that some of them are harbouring
suspicions proves only that they’re marginally faster on the uptake than those
who haven’t even got to the ‘harbouring suspicions’ stage, but then being slow
on the uptake is the main qualification for being a Johnsonite Tory. When the
brightest amongst them are those who have a vague feeling that Johnson might
just possibly be a tad insincere and devoid of any plan of action, we know that
we’re in rather a large pickle. And one made without magic sauce at that.
The Queen of Hearts used to spend half an
hour a day practising so that she could believe six impossible things before breakfast.
It’s doubtful that Johnson bothers to practice. On the other hand, he might not
need to, because he almost certainly doesn’t believe what he says either. Some
of his MPs, however, clearly do need a lot more practice. The purpose of
yesterday’s speech, according to the advance notice briefed to the media, was
to reassure Tory members and voters in the south of England that it was
possible to spread prosperity across the whole of the UK without taking
anything away from what are currently the most prosperous areas. Technically,
it’s true (although uttering a truth of any sort was probably an accident), but
only if one ceases to believe the deeply ingrained Tory mantra that the total amount
of money is limited and that any government spending on one area demands a cut
somewhere else. Given that the Tories have spent decades promoting and
reinforcing this myth (and the Chancellor is still busily repeating it), the surprise
is not that some of their members and supporters believe that ‘levelling up’
must inevitably imply a transfer of resources from the south east to the rest
of the UK, but that so few of them are rebelling to date. (I was going to say ‘revolting’
there, but prefaced by the words ‘so few of them’, it seemed somehow
inappropriate.)
It’s been suggested that one of the
reasons for abolishing all Covid restrictions is that he’s simply become bored
with the whole pandemic business. Given his obvious short attention span, that’s
entirely credible. Sooner or later he’ll get bored with the whole levelling up
business as well, particularly if people keep asking him difficult questions
about the detail. His MPs had better start that half an hour a day practice so
that they’re ready to parrot whatever he comes up with next.
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