A conservative candidate, Nadhim Zahawi, found
himself struggling yesterday
to deny that he thought that Jeremy Corbyn would have all billionaires shot. The possibility had been put to him on the basis that his
party’s leader had claimed
that Corbyn was a bit like Stalin. In
fairness to Zahawi, the rules of probability decree that nothing which has a
non-zero probability can ever be entirely ruled out, even if the probability is
vanishingly small. In the same way, the
probability that Zahawi possesses a functioning brain cell to call his own is
hardly backed up by the evidence on display in this interview, but again, it cannot
be completely ruled out.
Meanwhile, one of the Nigel Farage plc
party candidates who has bailed out since the election was called apparently claims
to be from the star Sirius, and given that party’s candidates’ reputation for
honesty and truthfulness, I’m sure that we should take her at her word. In any event, on what we might call the
Zahawi protocol, it cannot be entirely ruled out. It is significant, is it not, that in all
that party’s references to immigration from elsewhere on this planet there is
no reference that I can see to extra-planetary immigration?
But if one party can be fielding aliens as
candidates, how can we be certain that others are not also doing so? It is surely notable that the Tories have
nothing to say on extra-terrestrial immigration either. Can we be certain that they have not been
taken over by shape-changing lizards? Perhaps
we’ve been given a clue all along in the oft-repeated description of Rees-Mogg
as ‘other-worldly’; it would certainly explain his complete lack of human
empathy and understanding, to say nothing of Boris Johnson’s shifty eyes. Like Labour’s alleged desire to shoot billionaires,
it cannot be completely ruled out, and may even be marginally more probable.
Perhaps we’re not really having an
election at all - just caught up in one of the weirder episodes of the Twilight
Zone.
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