Friday, 8 November 2019

Could Boris be an alien?

A conservative candidate, Nadhim Zahawi, found himself struggling yesterday to deny that he thought that Jeremy Corbyn would have all billionaires shot.  The possibility had been put to him on the basis that his party’s leader had claimed that Corbyn was a bit like Stalin.  In fairness to Zahawi, the rules of probability decree that nothing which has a non-zero probability can ever be entirely ruled out, even if the probability is vanishingly small.  In the same way, the probability that Zahawi possesses a functioning brain cell to call his own is hardly backed up by the evidence on display in this interview, but again, it cannot be completely ruled out.
Meanwhile, one of the Nigel Farage plc party candidates who has bailed out since the election was called apparently claims to be from the star Sirius, and given that party’s candidates’ reputation for honesty and truthfulness, I’m sure that we should take her at her word.  In any event, on what we might call the Zahawi protocol, it cannot be entirely ruled out.  It is significant, is it not, that in all that party’s references to immigration from elsewhere on this planet there is no reference that I can see to extra-planetary immigration? 
But if one party can be fielding aliens as candidates, how can we be certain that others are not also doing so?  It is surely notable that the Tories have nothing to say on extra-terrestrial immigration either.  Can we be certain that they have not been taken over by shape-changing lizards?  Perhaps we’ve been given a clue all along in the oft-repeated description of Rees-Mogg as ‘other-worldly’; it would certainly explain his complete lack of human empathy and understanding, to say nothing of Boris Johnson’s shifty eyes.  Like Labour’s alleged desire to shoot billionaires, it cannot be completely ruled out, and may even be marginally more probable.
Perhaps we’re not really having an election at all - just caught up in one of the weirder episodes of the Twilight Zone.

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