Saturday, 13 October 2012

In the style of the Western Mail...

Following the submission of 40 Freedom of Information requests, one for every constituency in Wales, Borthlas can today reveal that all of Wales’ 40 MPs have been involved in a secretive ceremony involving the taking of a bizarre oath.  Within days of being elected in 2010, when all those elected had publicly pledged to serve those who elected them, every single one of Wales’ MPs had instead pledged his or her allegiance not only to the monarch, but to all her ‘heirs and successors’.
No film or pictures of this strange ceremony are thought to exist, since it was held in the offices of a shadowy character normally referred to only as the ‘Speaker’, apparently because, uniquely amongst members of the House of Commons, he is not actually allowed to speak on any issue under debate.
The bizarre garb of this ‘speaker’ is understood to include ornate robes and an elaborate wig, for no better reason that than a predecessor some centuries ago chose to dress in such an unusual fashion.  In an attempt at anonymity, the current incumbent is understood to have eschewed most of the trappings, with the exception of platform shoes, although a highly placed source told Borthlas that these have no ceremonial purpose and are merely an attempt to disguise a diminutive figure.
We have been unable to confirm whether those taking the oath did so on bended knee, or whether any ceremonial swords were used as part of the ceremony, but the speaker is known to be accompanied often by other strangely dressed attendants carrying a range of potential weapons.
A spokesman for the Taxpayers’ Alliance told Borthlas that these bizarre (note to editor – have I used the word bizarre enough times yet?) oaths clearly demonstrated that politicians had lost touch with reality and were frittering taxpayers’ money on their own grandeur.
Labour issued a strong statement condemning Plaid Cymru.  “This shows that Plaid have been hiding their real intentions from the people of Wales.  Their leader Leanne Wood should come clean on the party’s real agenda of separation and independence and clamp down on such bizarre and reprehensible behaviour by her party’s members”.
The Conservatives claimed that the fact that Labour were taking the same oath as Plaid showed that the Labour Party were secret nationalists intent on destroying the United Kingdom.
A spokesman for Nick Clegg’s office said that as far as he was aware the party didn’t have any MPs in Wales, but that if they did, their participation in the ceremony demonstrated their moderating influence on the Conservative Party.
A tight-lipped spokesperson for Plaid Cymru would only say that the party would instigate immediate disciplinary action against any of its members found to be declaring their loyalty to the sovereign instead of to the people.
I made the last one up.  Obviously.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Spot on John ... and of course all the deaths (millions) created by the British state, the Monarchy, and lackeys like Vaughan Gethin.

I'm sure his family in Zambia were reall glad to lose their land to the White Settlers.

Don't apologise Plaid.

Allegiance to a bizarre, feudal family who are the apex of a rentier class is far more dangerous.

Plaid AMs - don't aplogise, take the fight to Labour. Be men for once. Do something, say somethin heroic. Don't apologise nor try and ignore it nor sweep it under the carpet.

At the next Senedd next week challenge Vaughan Gethin about swearing an allegiance to a Queen which doens't speak my language (Welsh) doens't live here, who's the apex of a landed gentry, in who's name and the name of her forefathers millions have died and been colonised.

In a word, Plaid, hit back with a Welsh nationalist reaction to a British nationalist attack. Do it!

Owen said...

This is a truly disgraceful and bizzare piece that glosses over separatist Plaid Cymru's links to the 9/11 attacks and the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa.

Hendre said...

"Borthlas can today reveal that all of Wales’ 40 MPs have been involved in a secretive ceremony involving the taking of a bizarre oath."

When I read that I thought you were going to go on to say that all Welsh MPs were freemasons!

Siônnyn said...

"Vaughan Gething was unavailable for comment."

Anonymous said...

Was this the same Martin Shipton who attended the inauguration of the Rhondda branch Royal Antediluvian Order of Buffaloes ? I knew there was something suspicious about him. Personally I have never spotted any buffaloes in Hannah Street, although my mate, Gareth, is rumoured to have taken one home with him a few weeks ago. Will Mr Shipton be asked to make a statement?

Welsh Agenda said...

In the style of a Western Mail / Walesonline commentator ...

Once again the Western Mail shows its NATIONALIST colors STOP IGNORING THE REAL ISSUE!!!

Wales is being held back because we are all forced to speak Welsh by the THE BAY OF PIGS!!!!!.

abolish the ARSEMBLY NOW!!

I bet this will get deleted!!!!

Anonymous said...

a hilarious parody john....i understand that the noted american political satirist tom lehrer gave up satire after the war criminal henry kissinger was awarded the nobel peace prize in 1973, on the basis that it was a award beyond parody and there was no way he could compete with that decision for comedic merit....

so it's a credit to you that you have not given up on the great tradition of political satire in the face of the absurd and hysterical stories being published on a near daily basis by the aforementioned shipton in the washedup mail.

Not there there is anything remotely humorous about the articles shipton is churning out of course - or the systematic and coordinated smear campaign being waged by elements in the welsh labour party against plaid cymru, and which appears to lay behind such ridiculous stories.

Leigh Richards
swansea...

Anonymous said...

On a serious note it has clearly been recognised at some level in Labour in Wales that Plaid Cymru is either a threat, or more likely that they are a potential threat in the future. A drip feed of "Assembly insider" stories is designed to demoralise the party and try and discredit Leanne Wood. The external-to-Plaid agenda is to suggest Plaid is extreme or hardline and that Labour is the reasonable, devolutionist option.

I personally don't think most voters in Wales will hear about any of this. We rightly complain when Plaid's successes don't get reported, but the same point stands with Plaid's perceived bad stories.

But I would imagine that the fact an anti-Plaid campaign exists shows that the party has started to do something right.

The party has a long way to go but I have definitely noticed that when Leanne Wood has talked about cardiff airport or public procurement, boring but important issues, she has sounded pretty reasonable. Labour knows that she is the only politician that can deny them a majority at the next Welsh elections.

Anonymous said...

I never thought I'd say this, but compared to the Western Mail the South Wales Evening Post is starting to look like a half decent newspaper.

Siônnyn said...

Here is another example of political satire from BBCScotlandshire that is so close to the truth that it is hard to laugh at

All of Europe invited to celebrate start of WWI
Saturday, 13 October 2012 17:05 | | |
By Tobias Yirnovoat our correspondent for shamelessly cashing in on the fallen
Passendale - Made in Great Britain - won by Great Britain

David Cameron has announced a year of celebrations to commemorate the outbreak of "The Great War" which will be held across Europe in 2014.

France and the Low Countries will be invited to join in the 2014 festivities to mark the beginning of the five year global conflict - which the Prime Minister has described as "A 'Great' war, made in Great Britain and won by Great Britain" - so those countries will be able to feel more positive about the outbreak of war.

Anonymous said...

All was confirmed to me an anonymous Westminster insider.